#004: Always Bear The Same Mind

Born into poverty in 1954 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Chris Gardner had a rough life. His childhood was marked by domestic violence, child abuse, alcoholism, and illiteracy within his family. He never knew his father. His only positive male role model died when he was nine. His mother was imprisoned twice. As an adult, his first marriage fell apart, and his second partner left him alone with their toddler son. At this point, he was a single father and homeless.

Despite these circumstances, Gardner refused to let his situations define him. He spent his nights sleeping in subway stations, parks, and homeless shelters with his son while working as a stockbroker during the day.

How many of us would have felt justified in saying, "That's it! This is too much for me! I'm giving up!"? How many of us would feel justified in turning to other means to ease our pain?

Seneca says, "Should every day succeed to my wish, it should not transport me; nor would I think myself miserable if I should not have one quiet hour in my life. I will not transport myself with either pain or pleasure."

I bet you know someone who has it all, yet it's never enough. You probably know another person who spends every minute complaining about how bad they've had it.

Regardless of the hand you're dealt, you should aim to maintain a centeredness that is not dependent on external circumstances. You should strive for what Epictetus, himself a former slave, called the state of human perfection - tranquility - “a certain equality of mind which no condition or fortune can either exalt or depress.”

It’s not about seeking hardship to prove your resilience. It is always preferable to have an easier life, more money, better parents, a better job, a better partner, live in a nicer country, or have a stronger economy. Even Seneca says, "I could wish that I had an easier game to play and that I were put rather to moderate my joys than my sorrows." He adds, "If I were an imperial prince, I would rather take than be taken; yet I would bear the same mind under the chariot of my conqueror that I had in my own."

We live in times of constant change. The economy is tight. Some of us will fall on hard times. Some of us will experience the best of times.

But the lesson here is not to depend on external factors, success or failures, or anything external for your happiness. Don't let your circumstances define you. Gardner's life embodied the Stoic principle of focusing on what he could control. He could not control the external events happening around him, but he could control his reactions, his work ethic, and his determination.

You can wish for an easier game, but be ready to play the hand you have.

Eventually, Chris Gardner's determination led to success. He founded his own brokerage firm, became a millionaire, and took on philanthropic work. His life story was told in his autobiography, The Pursuit of Happyness, which was subsequently adapted into a movie starring Will Smith.

As you go out into the world this week, whatever happens, remember to "bear the same mind."