#011: Perception is Everything

Perception is everything. This 'cliché' is not an empty statement. It is a universal truth.

And it's even truer when we begin to discuss the topic of human happiness.

Perception is the source of unhappiness in every unhappy person I know, from friends to family to strangers.

What is perception? I like the scientific definition: "the neurophysiological process by which an organism (humans included) becomes aware of and interprets external stimuli. Meaning it's how we see and interpret the world around us - the meaning we give to events and how we understand what happens around us.

We are eaten up inside by things that lead to our unhappiness.

For example, we get jealous because we compare ourselves to others and perceive them or something they possess as better or more desirable than us or what we possess in some way. Or anger, it comes down to interpreting events as painful to us, ironically leading us to give up the little control we have. More prevalent, we often take family drama and interpret it in ways that hurt us mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically.

We perceive ourselves in one way or another that eats at us inside, transports us either to the past through regret, or takes us to the future through anxiety. But you can only be happy if you are present in the here and now.

How we see the world and interpret events determines our state of happiness.

Sometimes our default perception is to see the world as somehow conspiring against us - leading us to deep depression and anxiety.

Other times we perceive and interpret specific events in ways that do not serve us and are often harmful.

Because all happiness comes from our perceptions, the depressed and the generally miserable train their perceptions in ways that remove the option to choose how to feel at any given moment - to perceive the world differently.

Now, people often use the words 'choose how to feel' as if we are talking about picking out a t-shirt or dress at the store. This is too simplistic and not actionable.

I will say you can "change your perception" anytime you want about anything - emotions included.

You can question your thoughts and feelings.

You can question and reason with your emotions and perceptions.

But the ability to do this is not effortless or instantaneous. It takes long practice and hard effort until it becomes second nature.

I've come to understand that it involves having conversations with yourself while you are in any situation. And having the right conversations takes time, energy, and practice. It does not happen overnight - especially for those not gifted with a naturally low baseline of positive perception (happiness).

This is why the Stoics call it the Discipline of Perception.

In this sense, happiness is a choice you make. It's a skill you can build like a muscle.

Negative perception is fun, relieving, and generally accepted by society in the short term. However, it is dangerous and destructive over the long term. It's better to find a positive in every situation.

You can find a positive interpretation for virtually any situation.

Are you jealous? Know that you can't just choose specific parts of someone's life. Ask yourself if you want to be that person and give up being yourself.

Is your flight late? Wow! More time to hang out and do stuff at the airport. Or maybe the universe is saving you from some catastrophe.

Is your commute long? This is just more time to listen to music, read, or build a habit you'd otherwise not have time for.

Is the service slow? More time to talk and spend time with whomever you are meeting with.

I use some catchall thoughts for most of life's little annoyances. Here are a few:

Travel-related delay, cancelation, or missed opportunity: "Maybe God is saving me from something else." Maybe if I had made that flight, it would have crashed. (this one I learn from my mother).

Losing something material? It's just material. As long as I have life, I can be happy and get it back.

Can't find something positive in this situation? "Maybe God or the universe is trying to teach me something. I better open myself up to learning.

In conclusion, if you can control your perception, you can control your happiness. Go do it!#011